INSIGHT 5769 - #10 CARING FOR ESAV
Bereishit Rabbah, Vayishlach 76:91
presents a most interesting explanation as to why Bereishit 32:23 only refers to eleven children of Yaakov. At the
time, of course, Yaakov had, at least,2
12 children. The question is thus asked: where was Dina?3
The midrash explains that Yaakov
sealed her in a box to prevent Esav from seeing her and desiring her, leading
to a possibility of Dina ending up married to Esav.4
The midrash then explains that, for
this act, Yaakov was punished for not relating to his brother with chesed, with caring. Rashi explains that Yaakov should have
considered the possibility of Dina leading Esav back to a path of righteousness
and, thus, preventing Esav from seeing her ended the possibility of Dina
positively affecting Esav.5 The
commentators, though, have a tremendous problem
with this explanation. How can Yaakov be faulted for trying to prevent
his daughter from marrying an evil person, even considering the possibility
that Dina could have affected Esav positively; is there not also the
possibility of Esav negatively affecting Dina? Siftei Chachamim, Bereishit 32:33 further intensifies the question
with reference to Dina’s mother, Leah Imeinu,
who cried when people said she was destined to marry Esav: why is Leah not
punished, but rather praised, for
couldn’t we say that she also could have brought Esav back to a path of
righteousness? It is, rather, totally understandable that a righteous person
would not want to marry, or that righteous parents would not want their child
to marry, someone evil. How then could Yaakov Aveinu be faulted in attempting to keep Dina away from Esav’s
grasp? Many
answers are presented. Siftei Chachamim, effectively, points out that Esav, it
would seem, was, at this time, already on a path towards the good and thus was
open to being affected by Dina. He also raises the possibility that Dina was
different than her mother and while Leah may have not been successful in
reforming Esav, Dina could have been. The bottom line is that, in matters of
relationships (and, in particular, shiduchim),
one has to look at the individuals and the circumstances, not generic
categories. While generally we would be wary of connecting a righteous person
with a not-so-righteous person, the case of any two specific individuals cannot
be evaluated in a general way. Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, Emet L’Yaakov,
Bereishit 32:33 raises the issue of who else Dina could have married if not
Esav. In fact, in that generation, Esav, it would seem, was actually one of the
better people. In the very least, Rav Yaakov maintains, there are indications
that Yaakov Avinu did not see Esav as
that bad a rasha,6
an evildoer, and that given this perspective of Esav, it was wrong for Yaakov not
to allow the possibility of a relationship with Dina fully transforming Esav. Again
we are left with the message that every situation must be evaluated on its own
merits. In any event, part of this explanation would seem to be built upon the
idea that there clearly is a value in promoting a relationship that could have
a transforming effect on its participants. This value, furthermore, would seem
to increase as the probability of success in transforming the less righteous
person increases. All
these thoughts would seem to reflect an attitude in our community that we
value. When the concept of outreach, kiruv,
was first considered, a disagreement amongst the gedolei hador, the leaders of the generation, whether it should be
pursued or not, ensued. While all agreed that bringing people back to Torah
would be a most positive accomplishment, there was also concern over the
potential cost. Would interaction with less righteous individuals have a
negative effect on more righteous individuals? Should we take the risk? While
the issue did not necessarily concern marriage – and indeed a consideration of
marriage in such circumstances would still demand more scrutiny – the case of
Dina would seem to imply that the general risk was worth taking. Of course, the
specific circumstances still need to be evaluated but the lesson of Dina would
seem to be clear. We are to care. We are to wish to bring others under the kanfei haTorah, the wings of Torah.
This, in fact, would seem to be obvious. The words of Torah Temima, Bereishit 32:33, note 9 are thus bewildering. We could understand Yaakov’s dilemma in not
knowing if a potential benefit to Esav would be worth the risk of a potential
harm to Dina. But, can we not say that, clearly, Yaakov would want Esav to
become better? The Torah Temima seems to say – no. The Torah Temima seems to say that Yaakov knew that, for sure, Dina would change Esav for the good. And this is why he hid her; he didn’t want Esav to return to the path of righteousness. This answer actually would explain why Hashem would be angry with Yaakov. The problem is: can we even imagine Yaakov ever thinking like this? Rambam, Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Teshuva 6:3 states that the greatest punishment God can bring upon a person is to bar the person from the possibility of teshuva, repentance. 7 There must be a time when a person is to be treated for who he/she is, without any consideration for potential or transformation. Yaakov may have thought that this type of evaluation must also be one that a person should try and emulate. Thus he didn’t want to give Esav a chance to transform. This type of decision, though, is only to be left to God. Human beings must always believe and strive for transformation – for everyone. Rabbi Benjamin Hecht e-mail Footnotes 1 See,
also, Yalkut Shimoni, Vayishlach 131. 2 There
are medrashim that state that twin
daughters were actually born with each of Yaakov’s sons. See Yalkut Shimoni, Mitketz 152 and Yalkut Me’am Lo’ez, Bereishit 30:23, 24.
According to this view, the question could be further asked: why the concern
only regarding the absence of Dina in the count? The answer may be that the midrash who raises this question about
Dina does not agree with the view of this other midrash regarding twin sisters. There are other midrashim that seem to indicate that
Yaakov’s only daughter was Dina. It may also be that this midrash’s concern is specifically in the context of the Chumash text which only mentions one
daughter, Dina. The question, thus, may be specific to the Chumash text, in the count of eleven. 3 The
question of why Dina is assumed to be the person that was not counted is asked
by the commentators but is beyond the parameters of this Insight. 4 Esav
could possibly force a marriage. 5 The midrash also blames this concealment for
leading to the events with Shechem (Bereishit,
c. 34) which is understood to be, also, a punishment to Yaakov. 5 See Rashi, Bereishit 19:17. 6 Rav
Yaakov actually brings various sources for concluding that Esav was still one
of the better people in this generation and for why Yaakov must also have seen
Esav as not so bad. See, further, in the commentary. Of course, there are also
many sources that present the exact opposite impression, that Esav was one of
the worst rishayim in history and
that Yaakov specifically wished to limit contact with him. (c) Nishma, 2008
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